Evangelion: Purity's End
by Fl0yd
Summary: This is my very first fan fiction (try not to tear me a new one) and I thought it would be appropriate to write one on my favorite anime! This is a post End of Evangelion story which centers around the complex relationship between Asuka and Shinji and the changes they must make in order to coincide within a desolate and lonely world.
1. Chapter 1: Losing and Purging

**Evangelion: Purity's End**

A Post End of Evangelion fan fiction

Disclaimer: I do not own Evangelion. All rights are reserved for Hideaki Anno and Evangelion's respective creators. This is a work of fiction not canon and is in no way meant to supplement the actual film known as _The End of Evangelion. _

**Chapter 1: Losing and Purging**

Loss. That was the only thing that came pulsing through my brain as I stared out into the remnants of what used to be my home, my country, my world.

The waves of the ocean came crashing onto the sand, onto me. The water was crimson…the color of her plug suit. Oddly, it smelled putrid. A smell I had come to familiarize myself with. Rotting flesh. This LCL was different; it was the soup that held billions of people together like some sick solution of the world's most fucked up chemists.

This didn't bother me very much. I still held the hope that the promise of a new genesis would eventually arrive. But who would desire to return to this reality? After I had so willingly thrown it away for my own selfish reasons? I don't know… who would? Mad men looking to take advantage of the fact that it was I who had decided to destroy the AT fields, so they could strangle me. Everybody hates me; everyone wants nothing more than to wring my neck. I'm spineless, I hate myself, and I am no better than…no… I am even worse than father.

Even after I had so willingly resolved to give life a second chance it seemed as if the human race didn't want to return. From what I could observe, they were all laughing at my loneliness, my cowardice, and my curse. I had nothing left except for the bandaged vixen lying next to me. Why did she return?

I managed to muster up the strength to lift myself up. What I saw frightened me. I could feel my bladder give out, the warmth was relieving, what would Asuka say if she had decided to wake up and see me regress? "Stupid Shinji," I imagined. "Are you a man or what? Does little baby needs his mother's breast?" I was starting to sicken myself at the thought of this. Asuka was right, even in my head.

Gazing out into the distance, I realized she was no longer Rei to me. She was the harbinger of death and destruction. A satanic monument stretching for miles. Decapitated and slightly placid, she looked out at me with a mocking smile. Mocking me for giving up the "perfect" pseudo-Shangri La. Mocking me for the losses. I wanted to hate her. She was someone I had come to familiarize myself with as "friend". Someone who somehow managed to be my mother incarnate, someone who I had impure thoughts of…

She came to me again. The same way that she had come to me when I had first come to NERV when Angel Sachiel had decided to begin the life that would soon plague the existence of every man, woman, and child inhabiting the world. Rei was synonymous with the word God. That day, she came to me in order to say, "Hello, Ikari, welcome to the beginning of the rest of your life. You will be the medium for the fate of the world. You will be the vehicle for the destruction of this world. You are my tool. You have no say my child." And now I saw her again. The same strange peaceful figure was only visible to me for a split second hovering above the LCL. A split second was all I needed to tell what she wanted to say to me. "Shinji, you have chosen the fate of destruction and now you must experience the joy of rebirth. Your journey at my side is now over; you no longer have a god to help you make your decisions. You are on your own now, I am sorry you were fated to be here with nobody except your bitter thoughts and the pilot of Unit 2 to keep you company. Good luck."

So many thoughts running through my head and I finally resolved to simply let it seep out of me in the only way I knew how. It seemed like hours, maybe even days and all I could do was weep. Weep over Misato's grave. Weep for the billions of people I killed…murderer. Weep for my best friends. Weep for the sweet bosom that Unit 1 had given me…ironically enough. Weep for…father. Of course father would never return. I was jealous, I was selfish, and I was sickening. Mother…

With nobody to talk to, it was very easy for me to lose myself within the confines of my own mind. I had forgotten about the companion whom was at my side. Talking to someone would bring me pleasure even if it was something as simple as a whisper; I longed to hear the voice of another human being. I did not deserve pleasure however. A bastard like me who would without thought selfishly defile the image of one of his closest friends by letting his inhibitions loose. "I'm so fucked up..." was the only thing I could bring myself to say.

Asuka deserved better than to have to live out eternity with a wretch like me. But how could I possibly make her happy? What was I to do? I looked to Rei for an answer.

"What do I do!?" I yelled out at the ocean, at the monument. No response came to me. It was as Rei had said; I was alone with no one except my "bitter thoughts," and Asuka to keep me company. It was nightmarish and borderline…no, it was psychotic the solution I had thought of.

I remembered back to the moment in which I was high above the clouds as mother and I became the mediums for Third Impact. I let myself go. At that moment, I hated everyone, especially myself. And to convey my resentment for the apathy the world had thrown at me, I strangled the only girl who had deep seeded feelings for me and allowed her to die at the hands of the MPEs only minutes before. "How pitiful," was how Asuka put it.

Now I stand over her lifeless husk of a body. I knew she was alive; Rei wouldn't have brought her back to just have her rot after a few days. I had that same urge I had back in the hospital, that disgusting act that Asuka probably saw when our minds were melded. But I held back, for she deserved better and I deserved worse…far worse.

It was selfish really what I was about to do. Taking another's life is something I wasn't emotionally prepared for. I was trained to take the lives of those Lovecraft like creatures who threatened the fate of the planet. Now I knew how Maya Ibuki felt when she was forced to pick up a gun by her fellow NERV bridge crew. I never had anything against Asuka; in fact, I admired the attraction she had for me. After everything my naivety put her through she still managed to never erase me from her psyche although she resented me on the surface for not reciprocating her feelings. I didn't just want to set Asuka free of the curse of having to live out the end of her days with me, I wanted to feel her skin pressed under my palms. I wanted to confirm that everything I was living right now was real. In reality, this was just a way to further ease my loneliness by having contact with another human being even if it will end that other subject's life.

I positioned myself on top of her. No sick thrill came to me this time. I closed my eyes; I have not completely lost my humanity quite yet. Instinctively, I clasped my hands around her neck. I could feel the tears begin to well up, what the fuck was I doing? As I had predicted, her skin was as smooth as I fantasized yet as cold as I had known it would be. As I began to squeeze harder, I could feel a slight twitch in her body. I tried my hardest to simply end it soon but something was keeping me from finishing my sick work. I knew Asuka's eyes were wide open at this point; I simply didn't dare open mine to meet her gaze. She must have thought the worst of me right now. My grip didn't loosen until finally, my fears were confirmed.

I felt a gentle caress to my cheek, which was all it took to push me over the edge. Half expecting a sharp slap on the face, I let go and began crying again into her chest, only this time, I wasn't just crying for myself. The tears streamed down my face and fell onto hers. How disgusted she must have been. I opened my eyes finally and met her gaze, still shedding tears like I had never done before.

Even battle damaged, Asuka was the same beautiful girl that she had played the role of in my life. Her stare was cold and emotionless and her face was indifferent. I couldn't bring myself to say anything until finally after what seemed to be an eternity; she gave me a reason to believe that everything that had happened after Kaworu's death was very much real.

"I feel sick…" was the quiet whisper that came from Asuka's mouth. I shared her sentiment. For once in my life, I could finally empathize with another human being, but she was obviously feeling sick about something else. Was it me? Most likely.

We stared into each other's eyes in that same position for what seemed to be at least an entire hour until I could sense a slight hostility emanating from her aura. This was not the time or the place to be making Asuka angry. We both needed each other now for more than several good reasons. I stood back up from my position and walked a few feet away from her presence. I simply just gave in and stared out into the horizon. There was something disturbingly picturesque about the scene.

I could hear some rustling in the sand and saw that Asuka was now in a fetal position, also looking out into the horizon. She didn't have that same hostile aura that she had while I was on top of her. She seemed defeated, which was ironic for her. Maybe she gave in and realized like I had that our reality was here and now and as far as we knew, there was nothing in our power that we could do about it.

I could feel the sudden change in my body finally hit me. Being exposed to the LCL for too long made me extremely nauseous and strangely fatigued. I don't know if Asuka felt the same as I did, but my first instinct was to sleep it off.

I started to walk along the shore of the beach until I found a suitable piece of building that I could take refuge under. I looked over at Asuka; she was still in her same position only now she was staring intently at me with a familiar lifeless doll expression.

I called over to her "You should probably come over and join me, Asuka. We can huddle together to conserve body heat." She complied, surprisingly, but failed to say a word to me. I didn't blame her.

She scooted next to me under the monolithic piece of building and stopped herself only an inch or two away from me. The warmth and vitality returned to her body after having been so rudely awakened by my selfish and sick endeavors. I put my hand down on the sand next to her and began kneading it like dough.

After a few hours of boring myself with the sand, I finally began to doze off. It seemed like Asuka was wide awake as well up until that point. I wasn't expecting a word to come out of her mouth any time soon; she was as good as catatonic. And if I was in her shoes, I wouldn't be talking to me either. I would be devising some plans to off me or thinking of places to run too. Instead, she inched her hand towards mine, until only our pinky fingers met. I listened to her breathing and could tell she had finally fallen asleep.

With her head rested on my shoulders, I too soon fell asleep. That night, I would not dream for no dream would snap me out of the reality I was facing now. For this reality in and of itself felt like the most lucid dream…no…it felt like the worst nightmare I could ever have.

**Chapter 2: Coming Soon! Hope you enjoyed the previous chapter!**


	2. Chapter 2: Coming to Light

**Evangelion: Purity's End**

A post End of Evangelion fan fiction

Disclaimer: I do not own Evangelion. All rights are reserved for Hideaki Anno and Evangelion's respective creators. This is a work of fiction not canon and is in no way meant to supplement the actual film known as _The End of Evangelion. _

**Chapter 2: Coming to Light**

It wasn't my instinct to wake up so suddenly. Here there were no alarms to bring me back to the existential horrors of everyday life that I had come to adjust myself to. Instead, I was left with a nightmare that would continue to eat away at my subconscious.

The image of Asuka being swallowed by the LCL left a searing and disturbing picture in the back of my head. I could hear her crying for help but instead of help all I could do was sink even further than her to find that at the bottom the giant and pale titanic Rei was waiting. Almost instantly, she had me clasped in her palm, I was all too familiar with my current position. I stared into her eyes, hollow and black like they were when I first saw her. Her mouth had curled into a wicked and disturbing smile, only further giving leeway for my insanity. I would not be surprised if I had woken up to find that a part of my body was missing. Before the hands of fate could squeeze the life out of me like a stress doll, I woke up to a disturbing noise.

I looked to my side and saw that my companion was no longer beside me. Oddly, she was the noise that woke me up but at the moment was nowhere to be seen. I shuffled around and the noise came again this time a few octaves higher. I checked behind the slab adjacent to the one we had taken refuge under. The sight was horrid but made a semblance of sense to me.

Asuka was kneeling down and regurgitating the contents of her stomach. The LCL was beginning to get to her. Asuka was never good with the sight of decay or anything having to do with death in general. Having our realities combined into one exposed me to several details about Asuka that I wished I could have made myself more aware of during our time together as pilots. She did say that she was sick…sick of what? Was I again regressing back to the dense Shinji that she had grown to hate? No, that wasn't it. Leaving the LCL left me with a wealth of knowledge. I am not the same Shinji!

I approached her. "Asuka, are you okay?" She must not have heard me slowly approaching her. She was quick to react, lunging for the nearest sharp piece of glass she could find. The next thing I knew, she was on top of me, ready to slit my throat. I was stunned but tried to stay rational, one wrong move could end it.

"I should kill you Shinji…" she said with her hand trembling. "You left it all behind in order to fulfill a selfish desire! You left us with nothing!"

"Asuka, please think this through," I choked out.

"You are so vulnerable," she smirked. "I know all about that little jerkoff fantasy you had in the hospital. Do you find my body that pleasing, Shin?"

"Asuka, I wasn't myself. I was in a dark place at that time. Besides, I know all about the feelings you held for me."

"What feelings?!" Tears were beginning to stream down her face; she was struggling to hold them back. "Hah! Don't flatter yourself Shinji! You meant little to me."

"You were the one making statements about not flattering myself! I know exactly what you felt and what you went through. I saw everything, even your childhood."

This stunned her for a bit, she gripped the glass in her hand even harder. This caused her plug suit to rip and her hand to bleed. Blood was dripping onto my face. "What do you know?" She said this with a cold and scornful gaze. "You never do anything… You won't help me… You won't hold me... You can't even euthanize me… You won't attempt to understand me! You don't know anything! What could you possibly know about me?! If you knew me, I wouldn't be in this situation right now!"

"How do you expect me to know anything if you refuse to open up or even talk to me, that's impossible! Asuka, I need you. You know as well as I do that we are going to need each other to possibly live through this!" This was beginning to escalate into something I had hoped to avoid.

"Need me for what?" Asuka was visibly irate. "What would you possibly need me for? A big strong hero like you should be able to take care of himself! Shinji our savior, Shinji the chosen one, the oh so great and venerable pilot of Unit 1! Don't make me laugh!"

"Asuka, don't make me beg. I'm sorry it had to end this way. We can start over now."

Letting out an angered and savage scream, Asuka plunged the piece of glass into the sand, centimeters from my face. "Start over?! Who the fuck do you take me for?! I never wanted it to end! How completely self-centered do you have to be in order to think that I would want to spend another minute with you in this forsaken place!"

What we failed to notice while quarreling with each other was that the tide was starting to reach our level. My back was beginning to feel soaked and the putrid smell I described before was beginning to find its way through my nostrils. A large wave had formed suddenly, a message from Rei possibly. It crashed down upon us much harder than we both were anticipating.

Completely disoriented, Asuka eyed the piece of glass she had stabbed into the sand. And jumped for it like some twisted prize. This time, I refused to stand around and allow her to again dominate me; I was tired of being on the receiving end. She managed to pick it up and quickly turn her attention back to the task. I was already right in front of her, grasping her palm.

She attempted to jab at my face with her bandaged hand but I managed to catch the blow. Completely at a standstill, Asuka spat in my face to make me lose my focus. I fell to the sand but unbeknownst to us, another wave was speeding towards our position. Asuka lost her footing and fell on top of me. Pinned and cold, I was beginning to lose my will again. Asuka was obviously trained in self-defense and the only thing I was familiar with was running away. She spared no time and gave no warning when the first blow came. The pain was brief but sharp, almost like Toji's punch but with more emotion behind it.

The second wave came, this time, Asuka kept me locked in the same position by digging her feet into the sand. I spat out a mouthful of LCL onto Asuka, the gag reflex also made me vomit. Angered and disgusted again, Asuka went for a second blow to the face. I tried moving to avoid it but she still managed to strike my temple with a great deal of force. With no will to fight back, I laid there waiting for Asuka to tire herself out. I don't bruise easily but I could feel the hot blood running down my nose which was surprising considering the rest of my face went numb.

"Hit me," she exclaimed. "Why aren't you fighting back anymore?! You were so determined to steal that piece of glass from me and now look! Pathetic is what you are!"

Overtaken by my bad habit of extreme submission, I snapped. I slapped Asuka clear across her face, the force of which managed to get her off me. She dramatically slid a few feet before bumping her head on the slab like remnant of a building. Not stopping to think twice, I pounced on her with the piece of glass she had dropped in hand.

I pressed the shard against her neck, I didn't intend to kill her, only scare her. I managed to do just that by slapping her. Her cheek had swelled rapidly and she was bleeding from the mouth and nose. Whimpering like a pup, she began to tear, a second ago I was the one being brutalized.

I wasn't prepared for a reaction like this, I half expected her to fight back and instead, she stared at me with an alien expression of fear. "Shinji?" She couldn't muster the strength to say much else. The shard of glass was no longer of use. I snapped it with my thumb and discarded it.

Mortified and confused would be the words best fit to describe the both of us. Her visage was now different and slightly embarrassed; I could make out a blush forming on her face. As if we were mirrored, I too, began to turn slightly red in the face.

Not knowing what else to do or say in our current situation, I pressed my forehead against hers and gripped her hair gently. I could not tell anymore if the tears running down her face were hers for I also could not help but feel a heavy sense of remorse. It all became clear to me. I whispered my epiphany "Asuka, the truth is…I need you. I really do need you."

**Chapter 3: Coming Soon! Hope you enjoyed the previous chapter!**

_**A/N: Hi guys! Thank you for the continued support of my work, I put a great deal of time into these chapters. I never addressed an upload schedule so I thought I would get it out of the way. I am very busy with the "existential horrors" of life but I feel like I am obligated to upload in a structured fashion. My upload schedule is Saturday and Sunday and I will usually upload two chapters unless I have free time in which case I might rarely upload more from a backlog of chapters. Again, thanks for the support and feel free to give me a review with your CC and maybe possibly even a favorite or a follow :) **_


	3. Chapter 3: Resonance of Catharsis

**Evangelion: Purity's End**

A post End of Evangelion fan fiction

Disclaimer: I do not own Evangelion. All rights are reserved for Hideaki Anno and Evangelion's respective creators. This is a work of fiction not canon and is in no way meant to supplement the actual film known as _The End of Evangelion. _

**Chapter 3: Resonance of Catharsis**

The night slowly and eerily approached us. Not desiring to move from the comfortable but awkward position that I had put myself in, it took a nudge from Asuka to realize that we were to get on with our lives. I felt heavy with the weight of the LCL holding me down, strangely it felt heavier than being soaked in water. Asuka had her plug suit so she wasn't held down by this weight. I unbuttoned my shirt and untied my shoes to allow them to dry.

"Let me see that," Asuka demanded. Putting a hand on my shoulder to sit me down under the shelter of the slab, Asuka began to tenderly and gently blot my bloodied face with my wet shirt. It stung, it always stung, that's how it was in the movies whenever someone used this impractical and cliché method. To think that an all-out brawl could result in such an intimate moment between us, this is the kind of moment that Asuka had always dreamed of having with me. I shouldn't get ahead of myself, after having peered inside my mind, she probably wasn't as eager to be with me. She had me in a "vulnerable" position, at any moment she could strangle me as well, using my shirt as a garrote. I wouldn't put it past Asuka, if I was her, I wouldn't be so comfortable around me either.

"You know Shinji, you might be an idiot and a spineless coward, but you hit like a man," Asuka whispered. "You really put a number on my face. Not only that, but you are quite ballsy. Even after the beating I gave you, you allow me to wipe your face with a possible weapon." Asuka smirked to herself and slightly lowered her gaze.

"Maybe I should return the favor then," I replied. I snagged the shirt back from her. Placing a hand on her shoulder, she complied as if on cue and switched positions with me. I slowly pressed the rag to her face, the sting making her flinch and hiss. I backed my hand away for a moment and continued by blotting the spot I had slapped. "Asuka…are you afraid of death?"

"No Shinji," she replied. "I embrace death like an old friend. I am however terrified of you at the moment."

"I never thought I would ever live to hear anybody say those words," I said. "Afraid of me? What have I done to deserve that?"

"I don't know what you are capable of anymore," Asuka winced a little before continuing. "I knew even before the moment you slapped me that you had changed in some ways. Whether that is a good or bad thing, I don't know."

"Are you dying," I asked. "Maybe you repressed this but I recall you saying that you felt sick, what are you sick of?"

"I'm not sure anymore," she said. "I thought it could possibly be the LCL, but I feel like it could be much more complex than that. I think the whole puking was my body's way of saying that death was possibly where I belonged. Being alive again took time to get used to."

"Do you know what Rei promised me, Asuka," I asked

"She promised to love you forever, am I right," Asuka snickered to herself.

"No, it's not like that," I exclaimed. "Do you even know who Rei was to me, to NERV, to the world?"

"Your mother, right," Asuka asked. "Is that all that she was for you? You're telling me that everything you went through with her meant nothing to you?"

"Asuka…," I couldn't hold back a slight blush. "She promised me that anyone and everyone would return if they truly wanted to. She promised that if they imagined themselves as they were in their hearts, they would return to their original human form. Why did you return to your original form?"

Asuka's eyes shot daggers and before I knew it, she had stolen the shirt from me. Not quick enough to react, she was behind me in an instant. My fears were coming to light. I felt like I was a part of some old gangster movie where one of the characters got strangled from behind. She put more force into the strangulation; I could feel my senses giving out. Almost as if to keep me from falling unconscious, Asuka kicked me against the slab, effectively keeping me from passing out and also giving her more of an optimal position to continue with the strangling. Her foot was firmly pressed against my back which cut off the limited air supply that had already been cut off by the shirt.

"Don't play dumb with me…" she exclaimed. " I am very aware of the promise Rei made. You think I am that dense?"

I could feel her breath, close to my ear. "You want to know why I came back," Asuka asked in a whisper. "Because I would never let myself get killed by the likes of you! Isn't this great though? Just great! I get to strangle you to death and no one is around to see you die! Fucking poetic! And don't you even think about passing out!"

Wrapping her hand firmly around the back of the shirt to keep me in place, she used her free hand to slam my head against the slab. I could feel blood running down my face. I didn't know how to defend myself at this point.

I heard a sigh. "The truth is, Shinji-" I could feel her grip loosen a little. Taking the opportunity, I grabbed a handful of sand and threw it over my shoulder. I could hear Asuka's angered groan as she stumbled backwards. I didn't know what to do or what to gain from strangling Asuka. I needed her trust and committing myself to such a foolish act would only set me back.

Rubbing my neck, I gazed down upon Asuka, who was trying to wipe the sand out of her eyes vigorously. After gazing at her non-passionately, I walked over to the shore as she continued to writhe, humiliated and completely disoriented. With my palms held together as if I were begging for something, I scooped up a modicum of fresh water from a small pool (probably from the rain). Without any free hands, I had to restrain her by placing my weight on her bosom. I could hear the wind slowly but surely slip through her mouth. Now, she was the one who had no more will to fight.

"I'm sorry, Asuka," I said. As if on instinct or possibly just out of primal fear, I could see Asuka completely shut her eyes even harder as if expecting me to hurt or even kill her. Without wanting to waste another second in fear of scarring her through the anxiety, I slowly poured the water into her eyes.

Not wanting to give her time to react, I sprang from my position and backed away until I hit the slab. My shirt was lying there next to me, carmine from all the blood, a banner for the pain that we had caused each other.

Asuka had finally given herself time to process what had happened and how to react. I had extended my hand to Asuka and helped her despite the fact that she attempted to kill me in the very same way that I had attempted to give her freedom. All I really wanted from Asuka was a small amount of absolution from all the pain I had caused her. I did not deserve this; I did not deserve the slightest extension of forgiveness or gratitude for that matter. I deserve to die yet I can't bring myself to simply abandon Asuka in the midst of what could be the rest of her life alone. Was this just a petty excuse I was giving myself because death was such a scary phenomenon? No. Despite putting on a show of independence, Asuka was just as broken and lonely as I was. I can't abandon her. Not now, not any time soon. She needs me as much as I need her.

Asuka was visibly flustered from the whole situation. As if it had become standard protocol, we again just stared at each other for an unholy amount of time. We both did not dare even move a single muscle. The tension between us had built up to the point where if we were to even blink it would be reason enough to pounce on each other like wild animals.

Annoyed and confused, Asuka decided to finally end the tension and pick herself up from the ground. "Stupid Shinji..." she whispered as she walked towards me in my vulnerable position. Stopping a few inches in front of me, she knelt down and stared right into my soul with those familiar and deep blue orbs of hers. As quickly as she began staring at me, she lowered her gaze after a few minutes.

"Asuka…I-" before I could finish Asuka smashed her fist into the stone slab, centimeters from my face, in what seemed to be frustration. Her hand made a disturbing noise, almost as if her knuckles all broken in unison. A vein had formed on her forehead and her eyes were welling up.

"Listen here, idiot" she exclaimed. "If I am going to be living with you for the rest of my life somehow scraping by with maybe no food and virtually no fresh water, I would rather be alone, living off my own excrement. You don't have the balls to kill me or the nerve to refuse me anything. I don't want your fucking patronage. I don't want anything from you. I only have one solution. I am leaving. Tomorrow when you wake up…I won't be here."

"Asuka, please, I'm sorry! Just don't leave..." my pleading was even starting to make me feel sick. "I'll change. Please, just don't do anything to hurt yourself anymore. If you want, I'll let you have your own food and fresh water, I won't even ask to have a portion!"

"That's another thing!" She exclaimed. "I don't want to let you have the joy of killing yourself through starvation in order to feed me. I said I didn't want your patronage! I am going to be the one to kill you if it comes down to something like that!"

"Asuka, I have gotten over selfish desires like suicide" I protested. "I simply don't desire leaving you. I already said that I needed you. What more do you want?! I want to put you above all else! Just let me do so dammit! I can be a better and more caring person than I was when we were living with Misato! I am sorry I came across as some apathetic coward, I just don't want to let you down this time!"

Asuka was now tearing profusely she didn't care for holding back anymore. "Shut up dammit! You really think that any of that matters now! You think I will be able to brag about how I have the most caring and badass boyfriend in the world now that all this shit has gone down?! You think that just because I had feelings for you before all this it is now okay to just make up for lost time?! You think just because you are literally the last man on Earth, you are entitled to me like some kind of trophy?! Fuck you Shinji! I hate you! Nothing will ever change that!"

"Asuka no!" now I had begun to tear as well. "I don't want to die alone anymore! Now of all times! Have pity! You say nothing will change the fact that the entire human race is gone and that I am literally the last man standing right?! Well if all the men and women in the world magically appeared again that wouldn't change the fact that…I always loved you! What more do you want Asuka? I love you! Nothing could change that! Not the end of the world! Not my father! Not even you! You fulfill something in me that no other girl could! I was too afraid to admit it because of my age and my naivety but now that I have hit the lowest of the low I have seen that nothing should be taken for granted. I surrounded myself in my own petty and selfish problems that I subconsciously put myself above everyone else. Now my only desire is to make up for my mistakes! You were right…I am stupid…I am an idiot!"

"Shinji," Asuka exclaimed. Her tears were dropping onto my pants. "Stop it! I can't! I can't anymore! I…don't want to…"

With nothing else to say, Asuka got up from her position and ran crying to take refuge away from me. There was nothing more I could say. Nothing more I could do. I had nothing left except to fulfill Asuka's wishes. I was no longer a pilot. I was no longer a human. I was the very thing I feared the most of becoming in life. I was a nobody. My only existence was Asuka now, and she had just denied me the joy of that existence. I only held on to the sick hope that I could still fulfill her wishes. If Asuka decided to attack me in my sleep or even kill me, I wouldn't fight back. Maybe then, and only then, would I please her. Even if it meant letting her live on her own in a desolate and somber atmosphere. Even if it meant allowing her to become the only denizen of Japan…of the world… it didn't matter. My only regret is not getting to see the "joy of rebirth" that Rei had promised. I wept until I was numb, and finally drifted off into the deepest sleep.

**A FEW YARDS AWAY UNDER A DIFFERENT SLAB**

"Love huh?" I didn't expect that. Even during instrumentality, such a thing was still hard to believe coming from Shinji. Maybe it was me who was the naïve one. Maybe it was me who needed to take more initiative.

"Wonder-Girl…" I looked out at the disgusting figure of my arch rival. Strangely picturesque, her skin glowed under the light of the moon and was given a reddish hue due to the abnormal giant red streak now tattooed across the sky. "What have you done? What have you done to our home?"

Shinji had stopped crying at this point. He probably thought the worst of me. I had probably taken his heart, or whatever was left of it, and broken it like everyone else in his life. "You always had a bad habit of showing me up idiot. If you really love me…prove it with actions not your pathetic words. Prove me wrong Shinji. Dear God…prove to me that everything you have done to tarnish your name in my eyes left nothing but regret in your heart. Prove to me that you are willing to go through with your promises. All I can do now is cry." Just like him…how pathetic. "Please Shinji…I just need one more. One more final 'I need you'!"

**Chapter 4: Coming Soon! Hope you enjoyed the previous chapter!**

**I actually managed to get this chapter written and edited this week so I decided to just release it early. Enjoy! Only one chapter will be uploaded this weekend.**


	4. Chapter 4: One More Final 'I Need You'

**Evangelion: Purity's End**

A post End of Evangelion fan fiction

Disclaimer: I do not own Evangelion. All rights are reserved for Hideaki Anno and Evangelion's respective creators. This is a work of fiction not canon and is in no way meant to supplement the actual film known as _The End of Evangelion. _

**Chapter 4: One More Final 'I Need You'**

I wasn't a very religious person but I was known for my over-indulgence in vanity. In this case, a religious wedding with a disgusting amount of coverage from the media was just how I imagined myself plunging into the world of adulthood even when I was still in Germany with Mama. I could see the headlines now, "Eva pilot marries high ranking NERV employee." It would be more high profile than the damn royal wedding. I didn't care, at least I liked to tell myself that this amount of attention didn't really bother me, as long as I was with Kaji…the only man in my life, I would be in bliss for the rest of my teen years.

The turnout for the wedding was astounding considering the kind of regard I held myself in. Even Commander Ikari had shown up. Did I really deserve the company of all these people who were happy to see me get married? No, don't allow trifling thoughts like that get to you.

Besides the garrulous paparazzi that were waiting for an opportunity to snap a shot of the kiss, everything was all very much in an order that would far exceed my standard of excellence. The orchestra played a beautiful rendition of Johan Sebastian Bach's _Jesus Bleibet Meine Freude_, it was probably just me taking pride in the German composer. The pews were lined with an appealing arrangement of Gardenias which lightened up the church to give it an almost heavenly ambiance. The footsteps of the priest were heavy as he nonchalantly made his way to the altar. What did this guy get paid anyway?

My hands were clasped together and I could feel my eyes begin to redden as Kaji turned his handsome and rugged face towards me. "So far so good" I thought to myself. After all the time in the spotlight having to fight Angels, this was really my one true moment to shine and show everyone the kind of person I really was. This was my day, my one true test, and no one will ruin it for me. Not even…that idiot Shinji.

"Really now Asuka, is that all I really am to you, an idiot?" I turned my head around and saw…him.

Everything became grey…oh so grey. Nobody was moving anymore, the orchestra had stopped playing and the paparazzi had now fallen silent. All I could see was him sitting there with that smug and mischievous smile in the pew directly behind me.

"Who the hell invited you?" I asked through clenched teeth. "Why are you ruining this for me? Don't you not want me to be happy, idiot?"

"You know, it really pains me to hear you speak to me like that," he said not losing his composure. "Even after everything we've been through."

"I've already made up my mind, not you, or Wonder-Girl can take this away from me! I won't allow you to!"

"Take what away? I have done nothing but give. Even after that whole debacle between the both of us I still offered to give you happiness. Even after you attempted to kill me twice, I still managed to never let go of that love I always had for you."

"No, shut up, that wasn't real! This is my reality! Don't take it away from me! Not today!"

"How long are you going to keep this up? How long are you going to keep telling yourself that where you really belong is with Kaji? Where you really belong is in the life of an adult. You know sometimes you can be a bigger 'child' than I can."

"What the hell do you know about being an adult?! A guy who dedicates half his life to shutting himself out from the existence he must lead. You will never understand how I feel! Now stop ruining this for me!"

"How long are you going to keep recycling those same lines of bullshit you call a lifestyle? You are no more of an adult than I. And to prove it, I will show you that even with no interference from me; you will be ruined all on your own."

In an instant, the ceremony had returned to life. "Asuka, is everything okay?" Kaji was visibly concerned. "Please try not to cry yet my dear, at least not until I actually get to marry you."

I let out a sigh of relief and wiped the beads of sweat that had accumulated on the back of my neck. "Nothing is wrong Kaji, I was just nervous. I'm over it now, you needn't worry for me!"

Kaji grimaced and gave me a reassuring smile to let me know that everything was fine. "Hopefully the only angels you are thinking of are the ones watching us from heaven. Very well, let's get on with the ceremony, father."

"Yes Mr. Kaji," said the father before clearing his throat. "Today we are here to celebrate the union of Ryoji Kaji and Asuka Langley Soryu."

The room instantly filled with applause and I could feel my right eye giving out. I promised Kaji not to cry but this was too good to be true. This is the kind of thing all girls wished for when they were young. Granted there were no dragons and knights clad in heavy armor. I was a princess today and Kaji was my dashing prince charming.

The applause ceded and the priest again cleared his throat to signal the continuation of the ceremony. "If there is anyone who objects to this union, may you please speak now or forever hold your silence…"

The room again suddenly turned grey…except for her. "I object to this union, father!" Misato! That bitch probably had some clandestine agenda with Shinji!

"I also object to this union!" Shinji and Misato were both now standing. Their faces were cold and their eyes were glowing with a terrifying red hue. Color had returned to the rest of the cathedral as everybody gasped in unison.

"I am in love with Ryoji Kaji!" Proclaimed Misato as the room again let out a synchronized gasp. "I…I am expecting a child! Kaji you are going to be a father! Don't abandon it like my father abandoned me! Prove me wrong!"

"No you bitch!" I couldn't help but try and leap for her. Kaji held me back. "How dare you do this to me? And Shinji, you promised not to interfere with this! You liar, I hate you!"

"Let it be known Asuka!" Shinji yelled out. "You are the one I love! I will not allow you to ruin your life simply because you desire to cling to such a fruitless ideal. You are no more of an adult than I am."

"Kaji!" I yelled out. "What do you have to say to this?! Defend me please! Defend yourself!" My make-up was now running.

"I have nobody to defend, Asuka..." said Kaji. "I have nobody to defend except for them. I am in love with Misato and I am obligated to take care of the child she bears. And Shinji is absolutely right…you are a child. Stop pretending to be something you aren't. I am more than twice your age, Asuka."

"Wait, what are you doing?!" I was getting angry at Kaji? How low have I sunk? "Are you seriously defending them?! What about me? Don't you love me?"

"Keep telling yourself that. Your childish an unscrupulous crush on me has gotten me this far so I feel like I can hold back no longer. I don't love you, I never did, and I never will. I merely desired to keep you happy and to rekindle the relationship I once shared with Katsuragi. You need to grow up, Asuka."

"Grow up? Are you kidding me?! I am the most adult person here! I am more grown up than you and that bitch Misato!"

"Are you now?" Kaji stepped aside to reveal someone. A contorted face, a small girl, it was me. "Is this not you?"

"That's not me!" I defended. "I changed! I swear I did! I am not the same little girl that I used to be. I refuse to cry. I grew up faster than other kids!"

"Are you sure about that?" said the miniature Asuka. "Are you sure you haven't been repressing me all this time? Are you positive that I am not the true reality you continue to live with even today? Do you really believe you can pull me out of your subconscious as easily as you imagine? If you really want to live the existence you so long for, if you really desire to grow into the woman you claim to be, embrace me…"

As if on instinct, I slowly walked towards myself, ready to attack if needed. "I can't do it on my own…" she said, curling her lips into a twisted smile. "Hug me …"

Kneeling down to reach eye level, I took her in a swift and emotional embrace. "Good…" she said. The room was beginning to contort yet again. I could feel my weight being pulled by some odd force. I shut my eyes until everything had finally been put back in "order". I was no longer in a showy white dress; I was sitting at a pew at somebody else's wedding…but who's? I couldn't see very well as I was put in an inopportune side of the church for spectating the events.

The priest familiarly cleared his throat again to signal the continuation of the ceremony. "And now, with the power invested in me, I now pronounce you, Ryoji Kaji, and Misato Katsuragi, husband and wife. You may kiss the bride."

What?! "No, wait I object to this union!" Everyone stood up and gasped…all eyes were on me. What's the big deal? When they saw it was me, the room oddly and instantly exploded with laughter.

"Honey, don't you think it's a little too late for that?" said a familiar voice next to me. I turned to see that Shinji was holding my hand. Wait…this couldn't be right. And what did he just call me?!

"I'm sorry everyone." Shinji said with a reassuring and embarrassed tone. "My wife just gets a little emotional during these kinds of things, isn't that right, Asuka?"

Wife?! "Wait, we aren't married!" The room again filled with a cacophonous laughter. "Stop laughing at me! This isn't funny!"

"Us not married? I specifically remember you dragging me to the jewelry store to pick out that diamond on your finger and having to force myself to beg father for to pay for two thirds of the price. I was forced to work with the repair group for months just to pay off that debt!" Everyone again laughed.

I held my hand in front of my face. He was right. A ring befitting royalty. "What the hell is this?" I asked.

"That is a ring dear, it is a ring you begged me to get you," Shinji defended.

"Not that! I was talking about all this! What is this?! Why am I even here? This can't be real! The world ended! Wait…I remember now!"

"Remember what?" Shinji's lips curled into that same diabolical smile my younger self had given. "Your reality lies at the end of this dream…"

Everyone in the cathedral was now gone, except for me and this fake Shinji. "Dream?" I asked.

Shinji eyes had turned red again like they were before when he was objecting to my wedding. His hair was extending until it reached his shoulders. The pigment of his skin had begun to turn extremely pale. His brown hair was slowly changing into a ghostly blue until the familiar figure of Rei was standing before me.

"What are you doing here?!" I asked.

I awoke in a cold sweat. It _was_ too good to be true. The hot sand prickled at my feet, even the plug suit was slowly but surely giving out. It was starting to feel more and more like a sack of skin covering my body. It didn't really serve its purpose as an adequate article of clothing.

I wondered what that idiot...I meant Shinji, was up to. He was probably still asleep waiting for me to attack and kill him. Would I really go so far as to kill the only man who really ever loved me the way he did?

The changes I had once described that Shinji had gone under were becoming more apparent the more time I spent talking to him or even just watching him. It was mostly envy that I felt for him now. I never took him for an individual willing to shelve his ideals in order to make up for his..."mistake." It was admirable really. He had progressed to the point of manhood and in contrast, my progression towards adulthood was nonexistent.

"Do you love me?" I said to myself. Was it true? It was so unbelievable that I had to even ask myself. What did I have to offer Shinji? It was astounding that a cold unscrupulous bitch like myself was admired by such a character. He might have been shy and introverted but he was kind and good hearted (he would never refer to me as a bitch either). Was I wrong in thinking his actions were selfish? I didn't deserve him...me not deserving of the executioner of humanity.

I sighed and pressed my back against the slab to straighten it. Sleeping on sand and pebbles for three days had crippled my body. The vain side of me just wanted a hot shower and if it wouldn't have been so much to ask for, a stack of Shinji's homemade pancakes accompanied by a tall cup of coffee.

I looked out at the distance. There was steam billowing from the Sea of LCL, the likes of which created a thick mist stretching for miles. This did not (unfortunately) obscure "Rei's" face. She looked straight at me with that sickening perpetual smile, breaking my spirits.

I frowned, "What are you so happy about?" She suddenly winked at me, causing a slight tremor. I stumbled back and fell on my ass. I had to rub my eyes to see if this was real.

I could hear a drop of water; instinctively I looked over at the Sea of LCL. There she was... A naked and calm looking vision of Rei floating over the water like some parlor trick. She herself was probably a parlor trick.

"I do not find happiness in your loneliness, second child..." She said calmly. "I was once in the very position that you are in, torn between being but another brick in the proverbial wall of society and someone who actually had an identity."

"What would you know about having an identity?!" I yelled out at her. "You were nothing but the commander's lifeless doll of a wife! Why don't you just get out of my fucking head and let me die slowly and at peace!"

"I am not a doll, second…"

"And stop calling me second, Rei! Have the respect and decency to at least call me Asuka if you are going to show up like this in front of me!"

"Just like the respect you had for me and for Ikari…"

"Stop twisting things like that! I've changed in more ways than one."

"Change? You embraced something that terrified you beyond belief? Lies…can you prove to me that you have really embraced this 'change'?"

"I don't have to prove anything to you. The fact that I kept that idiot Shinji alive should be testament enough of the change I have gone under!"

"That isn't change…Asuka. You never intended to kill him to begin with."

"He tried to kill me! Why aren't you showing up in front of him?"

"But I have. And he never intended to kill you either."

"Now you're the liar! You damn hypocritical bitch! So when I woke up to find him choking me it was just some sick way of expressing his _oh so deep _affection towards me, right?!"

"Correct."

"What did you just say?!"

"Do you not remember the great amount of stress your body underwent when you returned to life? He was just trying to selflessly rid you of that stress."

"That's for me to decide."

"Really? Why did you return?"

"You too? For being a god, you don't know very much, Wonder-Girl."

"I know why you came back; I simply want to confirm it. I want to see the words come out of your mouth."

"I came back because I don't want him to decide my fate for me! I won't be another nameless figure in a world where I can't have my individuality."

"Individuality? Is that really what you believe?"

"I also want him to suffer for what he did! I don't want my mind to be one in the same with that sick fuck!"

"Really? So you wouldn't mind if I did this?"

Rei bent over, clasped her hands together, and with the handful of LCL she had scooped up a figure was beginning to form. The figure was of average height, maybe a little taller than Rei and I. The figure began to sprout features…masculine features. Wait, what was this bitch up to?

"What the hell is this?" I asked in a frightened tone.

"This is the reason you came back." She said with a sick smile.

The figure had finished forming and to my horror, a naked clone of Shinji stood there next to Rei, with his hand held firmly in hers. I couldn't help but let out a blush as tears were beginning run down my cheeks.

"Why? Why did you bring him here?" I asked.

"I am tired of you Asuka," said the pseudo Shinji. "I am the Shinji that reflects the deepest desires of the true Shinji."

"And what would that idiot possibly want?"

"Well, quite frankly, he is sick of you. Sick of the torture, sick of the waiting, and sick of the rejection. He just wants to escape this world that has caused him all this misery. He wants to escape your cold clutches."

"Escape my cold clutches? Bah, okay that is believable considering the guy professed his love for me not even a day ago! He 'needs me'."

"He doesn't need you Asuka, he wants you. What he needs is to return, return to Rei."

"What?"

Shinji began to run his hands through Rei's hair before bringing her in slowly for a kiss. I stood there in horror with my eyes wide open.

"Stop! Please! Rei, I don't want to see this anymore! Just stop!" I pleaded and pleaded but this only made their embrace more passionate. Rei let out an ecstatic moan as Shinji lightly groped one of her breasts and began tracing around the nipple with his index finger. Rei, who was getting into the intensity, wrapped her arms around Shinji's back and dug her nails into his shoulder blades. I was shocked to see that he had begun bleeding; he didn't seem to notice or care.

After an agonizing aeon of having to sit and watch those two…monsters, they stopped to catch their breath. Rei smiled at Shinji and then slowly turned her face to me. "Is something wrong Asuka? Should we leave?"

"Why?! Why did you make me sit through that horrific sight?!"

"Horrific?" She asked, confused. "Is that not how humans share their affections for each other?"

"Affections?! You did this on purpose to fluster me."

"Fluster?" Said Shinji in surprise? "You must be denser than Shinji if you believe that this was all for the sake of flustering you."

"He is right," added Rei. "This wasn't just for the sake of getting you worked up. It is more for the principle behind your reactions towards this sight that we were attempting to go for. Do you understand?"

"Principles of what?! I felt like I was watching some weird soft-core porn! My reaction is perfectly normal!"

"Is it really? Asuka, I can't believe the lengths you are attempting to go in order to mask your true thoughts and motives. You know as well as I do, that the reason you returned from the Sea of LCL is because you still love Shinji, he isn't the only one who needs somebody. _You _need _him_."

"No! That isn't true! I don't need anybody but myself!"

"So be it." Rei turned herself around and holding Shinji's hand. They began walking across the sea into the mist until all I could see was a silhouette in the distance.

"I don't need anybody but myself." I began chanting softly. "I don't need anybody but myself. I don't need anybody but myself. I don't need anybody but myself. I don't need anybody but myself. I don't need anybody but myself. I don't need anybody but myself….I don't need anybody…Myself…I hate…Myself…I need…Myself…Anybody…I NEED ANYBODY! I NEED HIM!"

"Rei!" I shouted in desperation. "Bring him back you bitch! I love him! I am the one who _actually _needs him!" …No response.

**Chapter 5: Coming Soon! Hope you enjoyed the previous chapter!**


	5. Chapter 5: Changing Point or Realization

**Evangelion: Purity's End**

A post End of Evangelion fan fiction

Disclaimer: I do not own Evangelion. All rights are reserved for Hideaki Anno and Evangelion's respective creators. This is a work of fiction not canon and is in no way meant to supplement the actual film known as _The End of Evangelion. _

**Chapter 5: Changing Point or Realization**

It had come to my attention that during these past three days, I had begun to become more and more unaware of most everything going on inside and or around me. Self-awareness was something that I wasn't particularly skilled at (if you could call this a skill) even when the world still had a semblance of slight post-apocalyptic "normality". This was beginning to manifest in the several dreams I was having. I had promised myself that I wouldn't dream or at least make an attempt to throw my dreams out the window like the dozens I lost every day. But it seems as with navel gazing (another habit of mine), this habit would die hard.

In this particular dream, I had tried my hardest to conceal my desire to mouth off to my father. "Do you honestly think that the future can be altered as easily as your idealistic mind so desires?" He would ask.

"Idealistic?" I asked. "What about your selfish and 'idealistic' desire to see mother again? The future can easily be altered, no matter how idealistic it sounds."

"Do you honestly believe that garbage? Do you think that with the flick of a wrist fate can be altered like it was nothing?"

"What about Rei?"

"…" Father was visibly defeated.

Sometimes it was very difficult for me to distinguish the difference between my father and me. While I still had my doubts on his "affection" for his own son, it was clear that his existence is what drove me to become the person I was now, lying on this shell of a former mother earth. Looking back at it, father was a reflection of what I could have become had I continued down the same path I was heading. It was ironic that I would be the one to destroy humanity and not the man who had so desired to in order to see his love once more. I tried to tell myself that would I become a father, I would attempt to be one who would to the best of his abilities care for his family unconditionally. What woman would want to conceive with a spineless worm like me?

Love was a very foreign region of my mind that left much to be explored or discovered. Family, women, friends, etc. my teacher had once told me that love was not simply a feeling, but a mutual respect for one another to the point of wanting to get close to the other person. Yet I so nonchalantly used the word on Asuka not a day ago. What did I know? A poor sap like me, using love as a façade for loneliness? How pathetic I was. How pathetic Asuka must have seen me as. A self-deprecating child like me without the slightest bit of confidence did not deserve such a…such a…for lack of a better word…goddess. I guess any woman in my life right now would seem like a goddess in comparison to all the sand and rubble.

I was reminded…of a time spent together with my best friends, Kensuke Aida and Toji Suzuhara. A time I would probably never get to experience again. Misato was away on business so I invited both of them to stay the night at the apartment.

"You know, for being a total babe, Misato doesn't really seem to care much about what she keeps in her kitchen. All she has is beer and instant ramen! Anyway, where's that bitch Asuka?" asked Toji before taking in a mouthful of ramen.

"You know I really wish you wouldn't use that word to describe her, Toji," I said. "Anyway, I think that she went on a date or something, another one of Hikari's friends I guess."

"Is that jealousy in your voice?" Kensuke prodded while fixing his glasses. He gave me a sly smirk. "You dog Shinji. So tell us, how was it?"

Toji spat out his noodles. "What do you mean how was it?! Shinji, what have you done with that…demon?!"

"Well if I actually_ did _do something, I would have told you…" I interjected, it took me a while to process what Kensuke had just said. "…Wait! What do you mean by '_How was it_'?!"

Kensuke gave me another smile while adjusting his glasses as Toji just sat there and gawked. "Come on Shinji, don't hold out on us. We understand how it is; her poisonous personality can't sway you from her…other more femininely assets. I just never saw you as so weak willed. I thought you would go for Rei instead what with the whole fiasco at her apartment, to be honest we would rather you be with a quiet shut in like her instead of Asuka but as your friends we are forced to support you through situations like this."

Toji was having trouble holding back a laugh; I could see it in his face.

"I thought you guys promised me you wouldn't hold that Rei thing over my head?" I asked, slightly annoyed. "And I never said I liked either of them. Don't put words in my mouth."

"Well there isn't any need to get defensive, Shinji," stated Kensuke. "That will do nothing but raise our suspicions. And just because you never said you liked either of them doesn't mean it's not true."

"So it is true!" said Toji. "Come on man! We are obligated to know as your best friends!"

"I'm not '_obligated_' to tell you anything!" I exclaimed.

Both of my companions gave a defeated pout, making me feel slightly guilty. I let out a sigh of defeat and decided to simply come clean.

"Well, when you asked me how it was, I guess I could have given you an answer as to how it actually was…."

Both my friends had their jaws drop to the floor as if they were cartoon characters from those old 70's shows. "No way!" They both yelled in unison. "You didn't do what we think you did…did you?!"

I couldn't help but blush. "It's not like that!"

"Then how is it?" They both asked.

"We just….well we just…we just shared a kiss! That's it! Just a simple kiss! There is nothing more to it than that!"

Both of their jaws dropped again. "What do you mean there is nothing more to it?! Shinji, do you know how major this is?! Isn't this like your first kiss?!"

"Well, it was."

"And you shared it with her?" asked Toji, bewildered. "I mean, she's pretty and all but it's Asuka for crying out loud. Did she try to bite your tongue off or inject you with her venom?"

"What?!" I exclaimed "Don't you guys think you are overreacting just a little?"

"Not really, Shinji," said Kensuke. "You see, we really didn't expect this coming from you. It is cruel and ironic considering what most of the girls in school would give to be with you, what with you being an Eva pilot and all. Also you have to factor in that Asuka is also the most popular girl at school who in turn treats you like your'e nothing. You could even say, as Toji put it, that she is a bit of a 'bitch'."

"Come on guys, maybe you should be more considerate of her feelings."

"Considerate?" Toji slammed his fist on the table. "When has she ever been considerate of your feelings?"

"Well…there was..."

"Exactly!" they both shouted in unison.

"Come on guys, maybe she had it even harder than I did…come to think of it…I don't really know much about her."

Kensuke sighed heavily, "maybe she's a lost cause then? By the way, why did you guys kiss in the first place? You didn't take a peek inside of Misato's refrigerator did you?"

I could feel my face flush with embarrassment. "Well, we had a pretty good reason."

"Let's hear your 'good reason'." Again in unison, annoyingly.

"We were…well we…we were…bored."

Their eyes widened and their jaws again dropped to the floor. "No way… You have to be kidding us right? No confessions of love or anything like that?"

"She didn't seem to be enjoying herself though."

"Shinji, you must be really dense if you think that she was simply bored. She obviously has something for you. And what do you mean by 'she didn't seem to be enjoying herself?" asked Kensuke.

"Well, when we were done, she ran straight into the bathroom…"

Both Kensuke and Toji quite literally started rolling on the floor laughing. I didn't know how to react anymore, I had become numb from the all the embarrassment. I simply settled to begin laughing with them.

That seemed so long ago; thinking about all this made me smile, smile out at the horizon. Rei smiled back at me…well…that was a given.

Regardless of what Asuka felt for me then, it was not a guarantee that she had felt the same for me even still. It was as she had told me yesterday, I was not entitled to her, and I did not deserve a chance to make up for lost time.

What should I do? "Rei!" I shouted out. "Please just tell me what to do this once!"…No response.

"Dammit…" I picked up a small pebble and threw it as hard as I could out at the LCL; it skipped a few feet before finally sinking into the depths of humanity. "Asuka! Please just do it! I am sick of waiting! You are getting inside my head!"…Again no response. To be granted the gift of death would be the ultimate absolution. To be honest, death didn't really seem like such a bad idea at this point. Asuka however would always be too prideful to give me such a gift. I was to live with this fact and wear it for the rest of my days knowing that I would never see her again.

I was strangely feeling warm, there was no such thing as a cool sea breeze anymore. My shirt was flapping with the wind on top of the slab where I had placed it to dry. I swiftly jumped for it and quickly put it back on. I shivered for the shirt was still slightly wet, I could feel the goose bumps forming on the surface of my skin as the chills continued to travel throughout my body.

I heard a splash and quickly turned my attention to the Sea of LCL. I couldn't take much more of the torture, mind games or not. Asuka's lifeless body protruded from the surface of the LCL. I walked closer to the edge; the sensation was odd against my bare feet. "Asuka?" What was I thinking? Even if she was alive, there was no way she could answer me. There really wasn't much I could do either. Swimming was a skill I had never acquired, humans weren't meant to be in the water is how I saw it. This was probably just a simple pretext for the fact that most children learn to swim from their parents. It was almost laughable really; father teaching me how to swim was about as possible as him going to one of my parent teacher conferences (granted it was now impossible). Hell, me managing to make it to shore was pure luck really. I was lucky that the LCL was denser than sea water. Luck seemed to be an uncanny provision of mine. Lucky to be alive and even luckier to get a chance to die.

"Come on Shinji you coward," I said to myself. "What use is there telling yourself that you mustn't run away when all you can think about is running away? I have to do something…" I really did have to do something. Standing and rationalizing was not going to solve anything.

Not wanting to stop and think twice anymore, I dove straight into the LCL…I instantly regretted this. This time, I didn't float to the surface for one reason or another. Thermal Expansion wouldn't be able to explain this. I could feel the pressure begin to build up in my chest. This wasn't only from the lack of air but also the great amount of stress. I honestly did want to save Asuka. I allowed myself to sink to the bottom in order to kick myself up to the surface and begin flailing. I breached the surface and began to panic. I was lucky, and hopefully this fight or flight situation would be no exception.

The hands of humanity this time decided to aid me in my plight. I felt weightless, there was no need to flail and waste my energy anymore. I balanced myself and used this advantage to ride the waves to Asuka. She was still a few meters out. "Asuka!" I exclaimed. "I'm coming for you!"

After figuring out a rhythm, I began to get a slight grasp of what actual swimming felt like. I didn't want to get cocky; I might just sink from the sheer elation. Strangely, I didn't seem to be getting very tired, my first swim was going…swimmingly. Whether the LCL had miraculously changed its properties when I needed or the terror of drowning forced me to acquire this skill, confidence was definitely pulsing through me like the very blood in my veins. The desperation to save a friend had caused me to make such a change; I only imagine what else I could do in situations like these.

Finally reaching my unfortunate 'damsel in distress', I quickly slung her around my back like a game animal. I wasn't the strongest, but I had the strength and confidence to swim back to shore with her. I couldn't help but turn a slight shade of red, for her chest was digging into my back. This time, I was beginning to feel a lot more winded. I had barely been swimming for about 5 minutes and I was already forced to swim with just one free arm. Asuka wasn't the heaviest, but I didn't have the best endurance either. I had at last reached a point where the water was shallow enough to simply wade in. My legs felt like they were going to give out from under me, and my clothes was again cumbersome with the weight of the LCL. I succumbed to all the stress as Asuka fell onto the wet sand, she looked…incredibly vulnerable.

Her auburn hair was completely ruined and caked with sand, Asuka was no stranger to vanity, and she wouldn't stand for it if she woke up. Woke up? What the hell was I thinking?! She needs help!

"Okay Shinji," I reassured myself. "You learned this in school alright… Just remember the ABC order…or was it CAB? You've got to be fucking kidding me! It seems like whenever the situation actually calls for it, nobody is prepared…Okay, I am almost certain I should start with the…Compressions! Yes! That's it!"

I let out a nervous breath which came out as a slight laugh. I again positioned myself on top of Asuka, only this time, I was trying to bring her back to reality, not end her existence. I placed my left hand over my right and plunged my palm into her chest. I was beginning to feel extremely pressured and nervous. Asuka would have a field day when she regained consciousness. I firmly began pressing harder and harder, counting to myself each individual compression. I could hear air escaping from her mouth and spotted a slight trickle of LCL begin to form on the edge of her lips.

I gulped. "Okay Shinji, you have to do this quickly! You can't stop and think anymore! You just have to rely on instinct…" I placed my left hand on her forehead and used my right hand to tilt her chin. I sighed in relief. "Asuka, what have we gotten ourselves into?"

I had quite the habit of thinking twice before acting, instinct was an area I hoped to better divulge in. I couldn't help but slightly purse my own lips before slowly bending over to lock lips with hers. It was…gratifying. It felt natural, as if our lips were made for each other's. I was reminded of that fateful night when we shared our first kiss; ignorance was bliss in my case. Now, I literally couldn't kiss to save my life, let alone hers. I made sure to press my lips even harder so that none of the air I lent her went to waste. I saw her chest puff up like a balloon as her diaphragm expanded. I breathed back in to continue the process; I could taste LCL on my palate. Not wanting to let disgust get in the way of this odd but sincere moment, I continued with the breathing process until I felt a twitch within her body. I quickly sprang off of her to allow her to breathe a lot easier. I watched as she coughed out a modicum of LCL.

After her cough attack, she laid there on the sand, breathing as if she were asleep. After about five minutes, she slightly opened her eyes and looked over at me, sitting under one of the slabs. She blushed slightly before breaking the silence with a disoriented whisper. "Sh…Sshin…Shinji…" she said. "Di-did you save me?"

I stared at her in awe. Did she have any recollection of what had happened? "Asuka…I well…yes. I pulled you from the LCL. I swam to shore with you on my back. I didn't even know how to swim and I still managed to save you. My desire to save you was so strong that I got over my fear of swimming."

Her voice was still weak. "Did you…you know?" She was turning pallid. She looked wan and extremely confused.

"Well…I had to do it. I don't want you to hurt yourself anymore Asuka. I don't want you to die either. I can't allow it. What were you doing face down in the LCL anyway?"

Asuka sighed and struggled to get back on her feet. She gazed into my eyes before finally managing to balance herself up like a newborn animal. Pausing for a second to rub her eyes, she began walking towards me.

I instinctively backed up into the slab in fear. "Asuka…wait, what are you doing?"

She smirked, vitality was returning to her face. "I'm granting you your wish…"

Granting me my wish?

Asuka fell to her knees with her gaze lowered. She slapped both of her hands against the slab on either side of my head. Her bandage was gone; it probably disintegrated or slipped off while in the LCL.

"Asuka?"

She brought her head closer to my own, gaze still lowered until she finally tilted her head. Was she…blushing? Her eyes were welling up. I could feel that same mirrored blush projecting itself onto me.

"…Asuka?"

"Shinji…thank you." Without wanting to give me a second to think twice about moving from my position, she wrapped her hands around the back of my neck and quickly brought me in for the kiss. I could feel a cold and almost electrical shock course through my body before turning into unfamiliar warmth. Asuka did not want to let go, she firmly held me in this embrace for around two minutes. Our lips danced together as if we had gained all the experience we had needed to culminate to this point. I didn't even care about the putrid aroma of LCL, I just wanted to melt in this embrace and never let go. Asuka aggressively started to run her hand through my hair and I responded by wrapping my arms around her.

I needed to catch my breath so I finally and regrettably ended the embrace. Our lips parted, making that odd smooching sound. Asuka was visibly groggy, ironically enough. We seemed to spend most of our time sleeping the days away yet we were always tired. I brought her head to my chest and began stroking her hair tenderly. "Asuka…do you need me?"

Asuka had already shut her eyes and began breathing rhythmically. She had fallen asleep almost instantly after breaking the embrace. I smiled at her and looked up at the sky. I would never grow used to that enormous red streak which had painted our once beautiful sky. With Asuka in my arms, I finally regained the will to keep on living, that will that had so easily escaped my grasp. "Never again…" I whispered. I rested my head on hers and slowly drifted off into sleep. Tonight I would not dream. For now, I was living a dream.

**Chapter 6: Coming Soon! Hope you enjoyed the previous chapter! **

_**A/N: Sorry I couldn't release this chapter sooner guys! I got caught up in some other things! Hopefully, I will be back on track with my schedule. I might only upload a chapter per week on weekends considering I have been writing consistently longer chapters. Anyway, thanks for the support! I hope my quality is going up as I go along.**_


	6. Chapter 6: Good Faith

**Evangelion: Purity's End**

A post End of Evangelion fan fiction

Disclaimer: I do not own Evangelion. All rights are reserved for Hideaki Anno and Evangelion's respective creators. This is a work of fiction not canon and is in no way meant to supplement the actual film known as _The End of Evangelion. _

**Chapter 6: "Good Faith"**

"Great, Shinji gets to rest at home base while I'm stuck on scavenging duty," I let out an exasperated sigh. He couldn't help it, it had been about two months since Third Impact and he hadn't had a decent meal in weeks. My cooking skills weren't that great and considering he was sick, he would have to deal with whatever vile concoction I could think of or find.

Our health had taken a turn for the worst. At times I felt lethargic from all the junk food. There was hardly anything nutritious to eat except on the off chance of finding canned nonperishable fruits and vegetables. It was ironic really, considering my vision of a post-apocalyptic world saw its inhabitants emaciated from a lack of food; we actually managed to build up quite the surplus. Even after having lived with that slob Misato for months, I still hadn't gotten used to living off instant ramen. We had no time to worry about trivial things like our weight; most of our time was occupied with scavenging and renovating our base.

I kicked over a shelf in a dilapidated grocery store, hoping there would be some supplies on the floor. I stared at my pink skating sneakers and couldn't help but admire them. They were all the rage in America and Shinji had managed to get his hands on some when we searched a strip mall. Despite trying to adapt to a life style of post-apocalyptic disrepair, the vain side of me never left. I was happy with what I had but I couldn't help but cry every time I ran past a store and saw a perfectly good article of clothing half charred or covered in ash.

I slid myself under the shelf like a rat and balanced my flashlight in my mouth. I skillfully clicked it with my tongue as I held it in my teeth. I couldn't help but let out a disappointed sigh. "Damn, I just had to stumble upon the pet food aisle. This was the last one too!"

Angrily, I stomped on a bag of dog biscuits and started for the door. We had been using this grocery store as a supplier ever since we found it. We had cleaned it of all its food in a matter of weeks (granted we had only been living in this hell for a few weeks).

The grocery store was adjacent to the aforementioned strip mall. Most of the time we would go for the Recreational Equipment Inc. (funnily enough) to my disdain shortened to REI. Most of the outlets consisted of American franchises that somehow had made it over here. We were lucky to find clothes in a few instances that had managed to survive. It felt nice to finally be rid of that lousy plug suit. Unfortunately, there were no pharmacies nearby, antibiotics were a luxury now, a necessary luxury (that and entertainment).

My pack felt annoyingly empty. Except for a few cans of food it was definitely on the light side. "Well, I have nothing better to do…" I turned my attention to the mall. "Maybe a little window shopping will help kill the time I was supposed to spend finding food." Maybe I would find something to replace my outfit which consisted of a maroon and white striped track jacket, skinny blue jeans, and a black baseball cap. I jumped through the window of a store with broken glass scattered throughout the entrance. It looked like an old toy store.

What use did I have for toys? I couldn't even really salvage parts from these toys, most were defunct. This was probably some antique toy store owned by a family or something. I rested my hands in my pockets and continued to walk through the aisles, it was a small store. I spotted a giant red steel door which contrasted with the mostly grey atmosphere. I started for it. This was most likely the door that connected this old store to the one next to it.

"What the-" Before I could react, I fell flat on my face. I rubbed the sore spot on my forehead before getting back on my feet angrily. "What could have possibly…?" A pile of plush toys was strewn about the aisle. I had tripped on the basket that had fallen over which held them all. "I hate dolls."

I couldn't help but begin to clean them up. Maybe the owners would give me some sort of thank you when they returned (if they returned). One small little plushy in particular caught my attention. It was a small little hedgehog Beanie Baby. "Hah, Shinji the hedgehog. What a dilemma he has found himself in." I placed it neatly on the top of the pile with the other animals.

"Damn…" I stopped dead in my tracks. "I never thought I'd see you again." I stared at the last remaining stuffed animal. The tail was missing but I could still make out that same stuffed monkey that was given to me a long time ago as a child. I smiled mischievously before stomping on it. "I don't need to hold on to childish mementos like you. I grew up faster than others." I continued to the door.

The door was blocked by a large metal shelf. It would take a great amount of effort to move it. "If only Shinji was here…he'd probably just give me a talk about the tough getting gone." I slipped my bag off and rested it on the floor next to the basket of plush toys. I firmly pressed my back against the door to hold my weight in place while I pushed the shelf with my feet. "Okay…One…Two…Three!" I pushed as hard as I could until I could feel my back begin to ache.

I stopped for a while to catch my breath and crack my back against the door. "How does he put up with all this strain?" I again began to push the shelf with my legs, managing to finally inch it enough to give me space to open the door.

I smiled at my handiwork before turning to the door. The sign next to it stated that an alarm would go off, hah, I had always wanted to do this as a kid. I quickly turned the knob on the door and thrust it open dramatically…no alarm.

I didn't really get a look at the store next to the toy store from outside. The sign was gone so it was nondescript. There was a cash register right in front of me and what seemed to be several glass displays. Most of the displays were covered in ash. Whatever was in them had probably disintegrated or blown away. There were mannequins in the front of the store. They had fallen over but they weren't soliciting clothes, they were all wearing jewelry.

I wasn't particularly fond of jewelry. Maybe because my mother was never really there to teach me about the odd human adornments that my sex raved over. I walked towards the entrance, uninterested in exploring the rest of the jewelry store…I paused when a glimmer caught my attention. Where have I seen this glimmer before? I walked towards the front of the store where I saw the shine of what was probably a lone diamond which had managed to survive. There it was. I blew on the shelf to reveal…a ring. The ring Shinji had given me in that nightmare.

It must have been worth a fortune. Hell, even I wouldn't mind wearing the damn thing. I slowly picked it up, "Filthy." I wiped the ring on the sleeve of my jacket to reveal a resplendent and luminous shine. My eyes widened in fascination, I could feel them begin to water. You have him now…You have him now…You nearly drowned trying to get him back… "Why then can I not stop thinking about Kaji?"

"It's a beautiful ring isn't it? I bet you want the other one too for that self-proclaimed…husband of yours now don't you?" Wait…who the fuck was that. No more mind games. I turned around swiftly, no naked vision of Rei, no sick Shinji…a figure stood at the entrance of the jewelry store. "You want it right? Come on…take it." The figure reached into his coat pocket to reveal the second ring. The man concealed his face with a hood. He stood much taller than I and his voice was rough. Where the hell did he come from…was Rei not lying about a new genesis?

"Who are you? And how do you know about us?" I couldn't help but lick my lips when I saw the bright glimmer of the second ring. I didn't dare let my focus escape the man for more than a second though.

"You aren't the only survivor kid," said the man before clearing his throat. He disgustingly spat out an accumulation of phlegm from his throat. "I just want some food, alright? W-I've been watching you and that boy clean out that grocery store. I know you have food…and lots of it. It's my fault for not approaching you sooner; I would've taken some for myself if I'd have known you were going to ravage the place in a matter of weeks."

"You still haven't answered my question…what is your name…who the hell are you…and where the hell did you come from?"

The man lowered his gaze; I could make out a grin. "No trust? Do you do this with everyone you meet?"

"No…just you. In fact, you're the first person we've met." I drew my knife and swiftly managed to clear the space between us. He had no time to react; the knife was pressed right on his Adam's apple. "Do you have any weapons on you?"

"Yes."

"Drop them to the floor and don't try anything okay, sorry for the inhospitable attitude, friend, but I've never been in a situation like this."

The man reached into the hidden pocket in his coat to reveal a 9mm handgun. It looked American made. He dropped it nonchalantly making a heavy clang that echoed throughout the strip mall parking lot. "Is that all you have?" The man shook his head.

"I assume you want me to answer those questions of yours now, right? Or would you like me to drop my pants so you can get to the full cavity search?"

"I don't appreciate the comedy…name."

"Kozo…Kozo Itou."

"Where did you come from, Kozo?"

"Same place you did. From the bosom of the sweet mother. From the paradise you probably know as the Sea of LCL."

"You returned to human form? How long have you been back?"

"Long enough."

"…You've been watching us, haven't you, Kozo?"

"I know everything about you…Ms. Soryu. And I know everything about the situation you are in right now. You need medicine for that boyfriend of yours. I'll have you know that I cleaned out a pharmacy not too long ago, I can help you. You give me my gun back and give me some food and I'll take you to my little hideout and let you take all the supplies you need."

Ms. Soryu? "What's to say you won't kill me when I hand you your gun and take the knife off your neck?"

"Please…if I wanted to kill you, I would have done it already. Have some sympathy…all I want is some food. I've been running on scraps and a few happy thoughts for a while now…you must know how it feels, right?"

"Do you expect me to trust you after you just pulled a concealed weapon from out of your pocket?"

"Have some empathy will you? How do you think I feel standing here with a knife pressed to my neck by some girl young enough to be my daughter?"

"Stop making this difficult on me! Quit making me out to be the bad guy in this situation! I'm doing this for the best interest of the both of us."

"Best interest? You're basically sticking me up and forcing me to tell you where I've hidden my supplies. Thank the Mother we haven't gotten to that point yet."

It fell silent for a second before I resolved to take the knife off of his neck and kick his gun back to him. "If you are honestly trying to give me a sign of good faith, empty your pack on the floor right now."

Without question, Kozo took his bag off and slowly unzipped it before emptying the contents before me. Medical supplies…and a great deal of it. "Where did you get all this," I asked.

"I've cleaned out most stores and pharmacies of their medical supplies in about two square miles. It just so happens that you managed to raid the only spot in those two square miles where you can find a decent meal. I don't like to travel; I like to stay close to places I can salvage supplies from."

I let out a sigh before slipping my own bag off and emptying its contents before him. "This is all I have…I finished cleaning out the place today, there wasn't much left except for the stuff I have now."

"You expect me to give you all this medical supplies in exchange for that food that wouldn't last me more than a few days?"

"No…I don't expect anything from you." I could make out Kozo's face contort into a confused expression under his hood. "You can give me this stuff now…and give me more at a later time."

"And why should I do that?"

"The way I see it, you don't have very many options. I need what's yours and you need what's ours, simple is that. You take this food and I'll take those supplies off your hands. If you come to the derelict apartment complex a few blocks south of here with more of your stuff…I'll give you as much food as you can carry."

"That is where you kids have been holed up hasn't it?"

I nodded; I was trying not to rub off as disingenuous when such an opportunity had arisen. "So…what do you say, Kozo?"

Kozo sighed before giving his response. "I might not like to admit it, but you are right in this situation. I need food, and I don't plan on leaving the area to find it…You have yourself a deal. How is he doing anyway?"

I frowned. "Not too good. He's been sick for almost four days now. He keeps vomiting and he refuses to eat anything."

"I could take a look at him if you like; I am familiar with basic medical practices. In fact…here, take this as a sign of good faith." Kozo reached into his pocket and brought out the wedding ring that he had possession of. "I don't see what use it is going to be for you but it definitely would be better in your hands. I was once married but my wife and kids aren't…here yet."

"I'm sorry to hear that. And thank you for the antibiotics and the ring; I greatly appreciate the fact that you have accepted the offer. Sorry for acting hostile towards you, I've never been in a situation like that before. I really should be getting back to him now…"

"No harm done."

I quickly scooped up all the medical supplies in my bag and ran through the entrance of the jewelry store. If the ring didn't make Shinji ecstatic, I don't know what would. Wait till I tell him about Kozo too! All these thoughts rushing to me and all I wanted to do was run, run to reunite with Shinji, run to help him.

**KOZO**

"She has quite the amount of energy in her…what a free spirit." I inspected the food Asuka had left. "Hmm, this will do for now. We are going to need more though."

I reached into my pocket; I needed a cigarette to help calm my nerves. I lit it and slowly exhaled, relieving some of the stress that had invaded me. "That was a close call, I am lucky she didn't catch on to the act I was trying to pull." That act did cost me all that medical supplies though.

"No matter…Shun will definitely be pleased with me."

**APARTMENT COMPLEX**

"…Asuka please hurry back." I felt incredibly weak. Whatever had come over me was hitting me hard, whatever it was, it didn't want to leave.

I couldn't eat, that would just make me want to vomit. I was too scared to sleep, I have heard stories of self-asphyxiation…maybe this was just paranoia. All these horrible symptoms combined with the great amount of worry I had for Asuka's wellbeing made me helpless.

Four days and I had been bed ridden for the majority of them. "Asuka…" Loser. You are supposed to be the man in this situation. The only man left in the world and you can't even stand on your own two feet. Hiding behind the skirts of a little girl as Misato had put it.

**Chapter 7: Coming Soon! Hope you enjoyed the previous chapter!**

_**A/N: Monday, not too far off from my upload schedule I guess. To be honest I was having a lot of trouble writing this particular chapter, chapter 5 was really a fitting finale chapter (for Eva in that case) but I really desired to take this story into a different direction and I finally think I got it. Thank you for the support!**_


	7. Chapter 7: Take Care of Yourself

**Evangelion: Purity's End**

A post End of Evangelion fan fiction

Disclaimer: I do not own Evangelion. All rights are reserved for Hideaki Anno and Evangelion's respective creators. This is a work of fiction not canon and is in no way meant to supplement the actual film known as _The End of Evangelion. _

**Chapter 7: Take Care of Yourself**

The pain (unfortunately) was not unlike that of being kicked in the…for lack of a better word…balls. Except this pain resonated throughout my nerves as if trillions of micro bruises had somehow protruded my skin. Lying in the same position for too long was bad but attempting to even toss my weight around or turn in bed was excruciating. I dug my nails onto the edge of the metal framed bed and began to scrape them like files, a sort of trivial stress relieving behavior. The surface of the frame felt cold sending a chill through my veins.

The temperature and status of the bed was a projection of the entire apartment. Bleak from any lack of technological commodities like a heating system. Asuka would bring home enough tinder to start a fire in the living room. Sometimes we would find ourselves falling asleep huddled next to each other. This was probably just me rationalizing for the fact that I desired to get close to Asuka every time I saw her. This was my way of making up for lost time, and it only took the end of the world for me to actually move beyond the realm of fantasy.

Even before I had gotten sick, it was clear that Asuka had taken charge of this "operation" if you could call it one. She was strangely methodical about the whole survival situation, putting the needs of the many over her own. She was almost a natural born leader and I her only sheep to shepherd. Regardless of whether or not she would have been willing to guide me through this, I would have without question continued following her through the quandary we had found ourselves in.

I was beginning to bore myself with the constant scraping; the pain was starting to become overwhelming. All I really had in terms of medicine at the moment was an expired bottle of painkillers and a glass of water Asuka had left on the nightstand in case I had decided to wake up. Asuka assured me that although they were expired that only meant the potency would subsequently drop. It didn't really reassure me anything, I would swallow the whole damn thing if it meant getting rid of the pain.

I desperately tried to sit myself upright in the bed, pushing my palms against either side of the frame. I clenched my teeth to distract myself momentarily from the pain; I could taste blood on my palate. "What the hell is wrong with me?" You can't even sit yourself in bed. The beads of sweat on my forehead were now beginning to stream uncomfortably down my face, unfortunately making me feel cooler than I already did. My arms were giving out from the strain of trying to hold myself up; it was bad enough that my bones were aching in this cold weather. Asuka mentioned something about "vasoconstriction" but I didn't quite believe her. Maybe one of her "college" friends taught her this odd medical jargon.

I was almost stuck in that same position like some kind of weird little statue. Being stuck in this position didn't really leave me with many options so I bent my elbows slightly and shot myself up in bed. The bed creaked; most of the springs were probably rusted. A plume of dust formed above me and hovered there like those cumulonimbus clouds that always formed above the heads of cartoon characters while pouring down on them comically.

Little in the way of medicine, I turned my attention to the sealed bottle of unopened painkillers. "Alright, something that should take virtually no effort." I slowly lifted my right arm and positioned it above the bottle. I lazily picked it up by wrapping my fingernails around the cap. Nonchalantly, I dropped the bottle on my lap before picking it back up.

"This is more work than I would have hoped to do. Maybe I should wait for Asuka and let her deal with this." I sighed, "How spoiled." I placed my palm on the cap and slowly began applying more force. "Dammit." The damn thing wouldn't budge! Maybe waiting for Asuka wasn't such a bad idea in retrospect. "Dammit, dammit, dammit, dammit, DAMMIT!" In my struggle the bottle instantly opened, leaving its contents strewn throughout the bedside. I angrily threw the bottle at the wall, not wanting to keep that damned thing in my sights.

"When the hell did I become so irritable?" I scooped up about half a dozen of the pills that hadn't fallen on the floor and slowly dropped them one by one into my mouth. "…bitter." I swallowed a small amount of the putrid solution in my mouth before remembering that I hated medicine. I quickly without caring about the pain in my joints grabbed the glass of water and almost choked trying to swallow the seven or so pills in my mouth.

Gasping for breath, I slumped back into the position I was in until I was again facing the ceiling. "…Definitely a lot more effort than that was worth…I hate this ceiling…"

**ASUKA**

With the medical supplies on my back, I hurriedly made my way through the dank atmosphere of the apartment building we had taken refuge in. "We just _had_ to choose the top floor because it was so scenic." The foyer had an old elevator, but unfortunately and obviously, it wasn't working. I could picture the lobby as it was two months ago. There was probably some oaf who sat on that desk all day, ringing people in that he didn't care about. It was by no means the fanciest, but it did leave little to the imagination. 6 stories of nothing but single room apartments, some were nice, I will give them that credit. The top floor was where all the higher end apartments resided.

Shinji had brought me a digital watch from one of his runs through the strip mall. Since he didn't have one for himself, we would share it every time we went out for any reason. I set it to its stopwatch setting. At the top of the steps on the sixth floor I had set up our fastest times going up the stairs. A trivial way of entertaining each other, healthy competition. "I won't lose to you this time…Shinji." I smiled to myself before getting into position like a track star. "Alright…three…two…one…"

I could hardly call it adrenaline, it was more of a euphoric feeling that pulsed through my being and drove me to the point of passing out from exhaustion. A euphoria that I had never felt even as a pilot, euphoria that Shinji had never satisfied as a rival, euphoria that no matter how petty I still held value in. Now I couldn't accuse Shinji of not doing anything, granted he could literally not do anything right now.

What a miserable little pup Shinji had become in the past four days. I would hardly get two hours of sleep before being woken up by random fits of coughing or moaning due to "inexplicable pain". The truth was, even being familiar with novice medical practices and basic diagnostics didn't prepare me for this. I was admittedly very fearful of his current condition. I knew it was just as dangerous handing Shinji random antibiotics that I had no idea of what their affects would cause him as doing absolutely nothing. But at this point, a little imprudence seemed like it might go a lot farther than I might be able to predict.

"Can't…Stop…" I hit the third floor; it was usually at this point where I could hear faint coughing from our apartment. Nothing yet, he was probably sound asleep; hopefully he had taken the pills I had left for him. I felt somewhat guilty however for having slipped a few knockout pills while he wasn't looking. It felt nice to be in control of this entire situation. For the most part, I was the one orchestrating all of our operations.

Not even a day or two had passed since Shinji had saved me from a watery (LCLy?) grave that I decided to drag his ass into the city. Shinji hardly went out, so naturally I was the one who knew the city better than him. It didn't take me long to find our way to the residential district that was in close proximity of some valuable resources.

Shinji just sort of took over the role of following me around like a sheep without question. Was it fear or blind love? Bah, whatever it was, I could not let it get to me. I didn't want to give him the satisfaction of knowing the feelings he had for me were mutual…at least not yet. Granted the kiss I gave him was probably a dead giveaway. He had proven himself worthy by saving me in an act of selflessness. He could have died but despite the fact he couldn't swim, he saved me from a horrible fate. It was fear…my fear that kept me from facing this guy who would willingly take his own life if it meant seeing me happy. My fear that kept me from confronting my true feelings…the feelings Rei had managed to pry from my subconscious. My fear that (for some reason) refused to erase the image of Ryoji Kaji from my heart.

Jokingly, I nailed a sign to our apartment door when we first moved in. It read, "Little Shin's Room!" It succeeded in annoying him the way I wanted it to. Adjacent to the door was a whiteboard with all the times for the fastest rounds up the stairs, I wonder how that idiot managed to beat me with a full half a minute. Hurriedly, I sprinted through the corridor before coming to a halt at the makeshift finish line I had made with duct tape. I swiftly pressed the large button on the face of the digital watch. Hearing that familiar beep was soothing to the ears especially considering I had sprinted up a 6 story building. I was always melodramatic about looking at the time that I had managed to achieve, for this reason, I placed my right hand over my left wrist. "Okay…moment of truth…"

It was almost an orthodox point of my everyday life; it was usually followed by an intense round of swearing. I shot my right arm up and turned my attention to the glowing green watch face. "…Dammit…8 seconds off…" I angrily tore the watch off my wrist and resisted the temptation to throw it against the wall, I settled to crushing it in my palm (although it was for the most part made of a durable rubber). I scrawled the time under Shinji's second best record…not even fast enough to beat that. "I have to at least put on a show for him…I don't want him to suspect anything…"

I searched through my jean pocket and found the small silver little key that opened the apartment. "Shinji," I yelled from outside the door. "I'm home!" I stepped through the threshold…everything was the same as I had left it. This caused me more worry; he probably hadn't gotten up from bed all day. I hung my baseball cap on the coat hanger sitting outside the kitchen as I made my way to the door leading to the bedroom. "I sure hope you didn't make a mess in there, Shinji."

"Wouldn't dream of it," I heard faintly from inside the room.

I opened the door and couldn't help but scowl at the sight. "Wouldn't dream of it you say?" I asked. "You know, you're a royal pain when you're sick Shinji. You went and dropped all the medicine like some infant. You know, if I wasn't so generous and understanding, I'd have half the mind to drag your ass out of that bed and make you clean it up yourself."

I could make out a smile forming on his pale visage. "Something funny?" I asked, annoyed.

"No…I'm just happy you're back." He said.

I blushed and reached for the empty bottle of painkillers before beginning to pick them all up individually. Times like these made me wish I did have half a mind. "…How did this happen anyway?" I asked.

"I tried opening the bottle myself…no luck."

"Hah, the great and powerful pilot of Unit 1 can take out Angel Zeruel but is brought to his knees by the mere sight of a bottle of painkillers?! Exactly how weak are you?"

I could see a blush forming on his face, it looked better for him to have a little color. "I…I'm sorry I can't be of use to you. I can't even help myself right now."

"Stop apologizing already…you know I hate that."

"Sorry-I mean…oops."

I laughed at this; I wanted to make him feel as comfortable as possible.

"So," he began. "Did you get a big haul?"

"Hardly…Tell me, did you know the last aisle in the grocery store we hadn't checked was the pet aisle?"

He lowered his gaze as to avoid eye contact. "…I'd be lying to you if I said I didn't. I would have told you but you up and left by the time I had woken up. A note would have been nice."

"Typical Shinji, try to pin some blame on me in order to avoid being blamed any further. Besides, it was actually kind of a good thing that you didn't tell me."

"Really?"

"Yes, I wouldn't have stumbled upon all this in the spare time I had." I emptied the contents of my pack onto the bed. I smiled at Shinji's stunned reaction. "Just call me Dr. Soryu from now on, kay?"

"Where…where exactly did you get all this?"

"Don't worry about it…the point is we have it now. You are going to be healed."

"But Asuka, the pharmacies and hospitals are nowhere near the strip mall. It would have taken you longer to get all this than it actually did. In fact, you shouldn't be back for another hour or so if you actually did go to any of the locations to find all this supplies."

"Don't worry about it," I said through gritted teeth. "When did you become so inquisitive, Sherlock Shin? Do you think I have something to hide? Anyway, I had a little gift for you, but now I am very tempted to simply toss it."

"Present? Even more of a gift than this mother lode?"

Hmm, that got his attention. "Well you're just going to have to wait a day or two for me to be in a better mood."

"Come on Asuka. I didn't mean to make you upset. I was just a little…well…concerned! Yeah that's it; I'm concerned as to how you got all that stuff when it shouldn't be possible."

This struck a nerve; I angrily threw the bottle of painkillers at the wall. "Concerned? You should be ecstatic that I came home with all these antibiotics in your time of need. Why can't you just be happy for once in your life? Did it ever occur to you that maybe, because of my will to help you, I was willing to go that extra mile and work my ass off to get these?

"Asuka…I don't want this to get any worse than it has to. Let's talk about something else okay? Like…like…how you beat my time! I bet you beat me by like a minute you were so fast!"

I lowered my gaze. "Actually…I didn't."

"Bummer, you always said you would too. So how many seconds did you get me by?"

"I didn't beat your damn score."

"What?"

"You heard me! I didn't beat your time! I didn't even manage to beat your second best time! I bet you feel all warm and superior inside just like when you surpassed me and that bitch Rei on the synch tests. That's how it's always been! Find joy in these trivial matters! It doesn't make you any better than me!"

"Asuka, that's enough."

"Enough? I'll fucking tell you when I've had enough of all this!"

How low have I sunk? How could I be angry at some poor and pathetic sick soul who had done nothing to deserve all this except drop a few expired painkillers on the ground? The key to our relationship was the amount of trust we had put in each other. I had exhausted the same words for who knows how long…since this all started. I need him. Pride…I can't let go…it is the only thing I have left, but why? Why do I keep letting pride get in between our relationship?

"Bah," was all I could say. "I have some…I brought some fuel for a fire. I'll go to the fireplace and start it up. Can you get out of bed…or do you need me to help you?"

Shinji tried to force himself to look at me. He struggled before finally making eye contact. Confusion was visible in his otherwise uncannily cheerful demeanor.

"What was that all about?" He asked.

"…I don't know." I walked out of the room and lightly closed the door behind me…he obviously didn't really want to be around me right now.

**2 HOURS LATER**

Dinner was just about ready. I used some vegetables and various other ingredients I had found to make a soup over the fire place. It actually didn't taste half bad (at least in comparison to the standard instant ramen noodles we had to settle to eat at least three times a week). I guess this was just a small gift to make up for the way I had treated him earlier…the apartment had become disturbingly quiet after I had left him. Not one cough or even a small little creak of the bedsprings shifting escaped from his room. Knowing him, he was probably staring at the ceiling, contemplating on how much he hates it. I should probably check on him.

"Shinji! Are you hungry? Dinner's ready, come on! Do you need help?" …No answer. "Shinji, I'll drag you out of bed if I have to!" Without a shift of the springs, or even the slight sound of his bare feet hitting the floor, the door opened slowly and eerily. He peeked his head slightly through the door…he looked almost agitated to be in his position.

"…Well? What are you waiting for? Get over here before the soup gets cold."

"Hmm," he said. Hunched over like some scrawny little zombie, he made his way to the living room, almost tripping on a pile of books he had been collecting. Without a word, he made his way to the coffee table where I had set out a bowl and utensils for him.

"I'll pour it for you if you want," I said as he started for the cooking pot.

"I can take care of myself…" he said coldly.

He can take care of himself? Hah! If that were true, I wouldn't have been forced to do all the "grocery shopping." "Shinji," I said. "It's no big deal. I'm over it already…honest."

He sighed and dropped the soup ladle back in the pot. Slowly, he made his way to the couch and scooted next to me. He placed the bowl in my lap before allowing himself to sink into the divide of the couch pillows.

I got back up to serve the dinner. "So…are you feeling better with the antibiotics you took?"

…Not a word. "…Shinji, are you going to play this game with me? You and I both know who the loser is going to be."

Shinji slowly brought his attention back to me. "Let me guess. You are going to be the winner. That is how it always has to be. That's how it was when we were pilots and nothing's changed even now."

"What are you trying to say?" I asked.

"What do you mean by what am I trying to say? You have always been the same Asuka you were months ago when everything was 'normal'. Do you need to prove something to me? Is there something you feel you need to do in order to appease me? Or is it simply that pride of yours as an 'ace pilot'?"

"Ace pilot you say? You are in no position to give me that."

He gave me a crooked and smug smile. "Why thank you. Now I think we are getting somewhere."

My face was flush with anger and embarrassment. "All I am trying to do is help you, dammit! Stop trying to get inside my head! So help me I will force entire pot of soup down your fucking throat!"

"I didn't take any of those antibiotics you brought me by the way…I don't need them."

"You have got to be kidding me right? You damn ingrate…"

"Ingrate? _You are in no position to give me that."_

"You think I am ungrateful? Do you think I don't appreciate everything you've done for me?"

"That's just it Asuka! I can't do anything for you. You never give me the opportunity. You'd think that after being in the LCL you would know that one of my biggest fears is becoming useless."

"I know that! Why do you have to be so selfish! It's just that…well…"

"Well what Asuka? You don't have anything to prove to me."

"I'm not trying to prove anything to you!" I angrily kicked over the pile of books.

"I know you have been thinking about him…about Kaji. I can hear you call his name in your sleep. Asuka, are you still trying to prove to me that you are an adult? Or are you trying to redeem yourself in your eyes?"

"Shinji…I…Kaji was just…I…I don't know anymore."

"What can _I do_ to help _you_?"

"…Forgive me."

"For what?" he asked with a puzzled expression.

"I loathe admitting that you are right. But don't expect me to just change with just one flip of a coin. I am not as strong willed as you."

"Was that sarcasm?"

"No…that was a compliment. You are all I have left to show for my petty existence. Can you blame me for being so overbearing? Can you blame me for wanting to regress to my old dominant ways? Can you blame for wanting to be an adult in a situation where we have no true adults to confide in? In a world with no adults to run to or hang on their legs like some needy toddlers, you are the child I must take care of. I will not deny that I subconsciously desire to have you hang around my leg. I want you to feel like you need me so the day may never come that you are to leave me."

"The problem is…All children will eventually grow into adults. The day will eventually come when that child will grow into an even bigger adult than his parents. That child will become so grown up that he will eventually have no room to stay with them. It is a cruel and never ending cycle. That child will eventually have children of his own…and so on and so forth."

I could feel the tears begin to form in the back of my skull. "…Don't leave me please. I want you to need me as much as I need you. What is it that you want me to do?"

Shinji sighed and struggled to pick himself up from the couch. "Well to begin with…" Shinji reached into the pocket of his shirt to reveal…a ring? "You should practice your sowing skills."

My eyes widened. "How?"

He smiled, "It fell from your pocket. You went to the grocery store and decided to do a little window shopping at the strip mall didn't you?"

"I…I just…well," I was too flustered to find the correct words.

"Look, I know you want to make this relationship between us work with trust and confidence right? I am not going to bother you anymore about the antibiotics. I know you didn't get them while you were out on your run but I won't prod at you for any answers. If you truly hold such value in trust, I know the time will come when you will tell me the truth. I don't want there to be anymore lies between us, okay?"

"Shinji…those antibiotics…I…"

"It's alright Asuka. You don't have to tell me if you don't feel like it now. You have the other ring right?"

I nodded before shuffling in my pockets; I revealed the second ring to him. "Do you need it?"

"Yes," he said before forcing himself up and walking up to me.

Shinji took my left hand…I knew what to expect next. Even knowing what to expect next, my eyes still widened.

"I don't know what life may have in store for us tomorrow, or years from now if we are lucky to live until then…all I know is, I want to spend every one of those moments with you. It won't be easy but it sure as hell will be a lot easier than having to be in solitude without each other's company. Take this prophylactic measure as you would an act of love, or as a reassurance. I once told you I loved you, I still stand by those words. What about you? What do you say? Mrs. Asuka Langley Ikari?"

My heart had skipped a beat. Immediately, it began to pump faster and faster until it felt like it was about to pop right out of my chest. I rubbed my eyes, a reassurance that I wasn't dreaming and an excuse to wipe away the tears. This was very much real. I brought my eyes to his…he looked dead serious…that statement he had made was said with definite conviction. I smiled before giving him his answer.

"What do I say? I say when all this is said and done, you are going to owe me one hell of a honeymoon."

"Hah, I expected no less of an answer from you."

"Yeah, you're just lucky there aren't any other women around, I'd be forced to castrate you."

I could see him cringe slightly. "You know, one of my reasons for doing this was to make it so you weren't so overbearing."

"Hah, looks like you've done the exact opposite!"

We both laughed for a good bit until my stomach had become audible enough to snap us out of our blissful state. I turned red with embarrassment. Shinji continued to laugh at me.

"It's not funny!"

"You bet it isn't funny, I'm hungry too. Let's have that wedding banquet."

"I'm going to be honest; this isn't exactly how I imagined myself being-"

"Thrust into the adult world through the sacrament of marriage? I know… me neither."

"How did you know those exact words?"

"It's best not to worry about it. I am more concerned as to how you found those antibiotics but I am going to refrain from getting us into our first marital spat."

"Yes…that would be best." I took the soup ladle back in my hand and poured Shinji a healthy portion. I placed the bowl in his lap. "Does little Shin want me to feed him?"

Shinji sighed, frustrated, "You're going to start with that now? It's bad enough that you call me little Shin but now you have to ask if I need help feeding myself? Give me a break Asuka."

I giggled, "Alright let me give you this then." I bent over in front of him and placed a kiss on his forehead. I tried to make it is audible as possible to see how badly I could get under his skin. I went back to the fireplace and looked over to see a beet red Shinji. To think only weeks before we were down each other's throats, literally trying to kill each other. Now, I had gotten rid of that awful stigma that my father had plagued me with and replaced it with a blessing. Finally, I was truly beginning to progress farther than I would have imagined progressing with Shinji. It was all downhill from here.

**ACROSS THE STREET, ON TOP OF A DIFFERENT COMPLEX**

"Shun," had he fallen asleep or something? "Shun! Come on! Come over here and look through these binoculars."

I could hear Shun's footsteps; bastard probably went to go have a smoke without me. "See anything interesting, Kozo?" He asked. "Or are you peeping on someone?"

"Hah, I wish. Here, check it out; there is no doubt about it. I bet you a pack of cigarettes that the light from that sixth floor is those kids. That's the apartment complex she was talking about."

"Hmm, hand me those." I handed Shun the binoculars.

"You see it?"

"Yeah, I can see them from the window too; it looks like they are eating dinner right now."

"I hope they enjoy that food."

"Let's not curse the newlyweds. I have no doubt about it though; it's them, the pilots of the Evangelions."

"What's our plan of action now that we know it's them?"

Shun gave me a cold stare, "We stick to the original plan, Kozo."

Damn boring Shun! "Shunsui, we have mouths to feed…and I'm not just talking about our own mouths!"

"Don't raise your voice with me Kozo."

Shun gave me a scary look, a message for me to back off. "…Alright, we'll stick with the plan."

"You speak as if you had a choice in the matter to begin with."

"I'm sorry, it's just I'm a little on edge right now. I haven't slept in days and I let that little girl get the jump on me in the jewelry store."

"Clear reflections of your skills, allowing a 'little girl' to get the jump on you."

He might be my leader, but sometimes I couldn't put up with the guy's attitude. "That's a little cold, Shunsui."

"Get over your petty emotions, Kozo. This is a team effort; I could have easily chosen anyone else to come with me to fulfil this directive."

I sighed, I knew I couldn't win. "You're right, sorry; something must have gotten over me."

"Just see that it doesn't happen again, Kozo. We need to be working with each other not against each other. You still have your gun right?"

"Yeah, I was lucky enough to manage to convince her to give it back to me."

"Good. Tomorrow, we act. For now, get some rest."

**Chapter 8: Coming Soon! Hope you enjoyed the previous chapter!**

_**A/N: Sorry for forgetting to mention that I wouldn't be uploading during Veterans Day weekend. Hope this longer chapter makes up for that fact! In the future, don't expect me to be uploading during holiday weekends or during holidays for that matter. As always, thanks for the support!**_


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